Coaches need coaches, and this week I’ve been taking a course called “Community Design” to continue creating more value for my clients in the private True North Visionaries community.
The course creator, Gina, is the founder of Mighty Networks, and she talks about 3 traps that other coaches fall into as they grow their communities:
The Complexity Trap, The Victim Trap, and The Knower Trap
I could resonate with all of those(!!!) and it got me thinking about these traps from a Visionary perspective.
The more aware of the traps you’re in, the more you learn about your patterns, the more quickly you can get yourself out of them, and the more quickly you can recognize and avoid them in the future.
So here are how I see these traps I see getting in the way of driven leaders like you – and how to get out of them.
The Victim Trap
You know you’re in it when your inner dialogue is saying things like:
“This is happening TO me.”
“XYZ didn’t work so this whole thing is a failure.”
“Everyone else has it figured out.”
Here’s how to get out:
Take ownership. Remember that a Vision is your definition of success at a specific point in the future, which means you’re not leaving your success in anyone else’s hands.
You have the innate ability, challenging as it may be at times, to take ownership and declare that you will make your future happen instead of letting it happen to you.
Ask a different question. If you ask yourself, “what am I doing wrong?” flip it positive and ask yourself “what am I doing right?”
“This is happening to me” versus “This is happening FOR me to learn…”
Zoom out. Being in victim mode is like putting blinders on; we can only see the negative in front of us. Take a step back and recognize that you have more options than you think.
Reframe failure. Failure is not the opposite of success. When you give yourself a
“reality test” and permission to play in the gray, we might consider a rejection a failure, but what if you asked them for an intro to someone else who might be a better fit for your program? Now all of a sudden you’ve generated a new lead!
Practice shifting limiting beliefs to empowering beliefs. Imposter syndrome, comparisonitis, whatever you want to call it – our mental dialogue impacts our behavior every day. Remember that you’re on your own path, everyone else is on theirs, and these subjective thoughts can be shifted into empowering beliefs.
The Complexity Trap
You know you’re in it when your inner dialogue is over-complicating things, saying things like:
“I have to do SO many things before I can even start talking about this new offering with my clients.”
“I’ve been wanting to get a trust set up for my kids but it’s so daunting that I keep putting it off.”
“If I’m going to start meal-prepping I’ve got to spend all Sunday cooking to make sure we have breakfast, lunch, and dinner ready to go for the whole week”
You can get out of it if you:
Play in the gray. Black-and-white thinking can make you feel like it’s all or nothing, but incremental steps are valuable. Success doesn’t have to be binary, and taking one step is the difference between being stuck, and being on your way. Here’s how:
Start with a” minimum viable version” of everything. If you know me you know I love the principles of lean startups. In the lean business model, everything starts with the most “cheap and cheerful” version we can make, and then build upon that success as we iterate and improve.
Just like habits, your sense of accomplishment will compound over time and you’ll naturally build a routine for what makes the most sense for you. Maybe meal prepping starts with a big pot of chili you can freeze half of. Or maybe it’s just sitting down to Sunday dinner with your family.
Go live…and see that the sky doesn’t fall! Even if you waited until everything is “perfect”, you’ll discover you can’t please everyone anyway. Go live now, and get the early feedback you need to keep iterating.
The Knower Trap
You know you’re in it when your inner dialogue is saying:
“I know there’s a framework for this, but my situation is so unique it doesn’t apply to me.”
“I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work so there’s no point in trying it again.”
“I know that person doesn’t want to hear from me and is going to say no.”
Here’s how to get out:
Assume positive intent. When we’re reactive, it can be hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. Every time you feel like you’ve been rejected, remember that it reflects much more on what’s going on in their life, than how they feel about you.
Be curious. Ask genuinely, “why?” to seek answers.
Are you using the Knower Trap as a crutch? For me, it was an easy coping mechanism for not taking risks or trying new things.
Which trap resonates most with you right now?